Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Despite currently being overseas, the reality, especially the financial reality of going back to school for my master's is looming over me like a dark cloud.  That being the case, I've been searching for and applying to some pretty random scholarships trying to scrape some change together so I don't have to choose between books and food next year.  A lot of these scholarships have ridiculous essays like "Why do you deserve this scholarship?", etc, etc, and have equally ridiculous word count limitations.  Here is my latest entry limited at a sparse 250 words, enjoy, and keep your fingers crossed for me.  Aloha for now . . .

Why do I deserve $1,000? Hmmm. . . my mustache makes Tom Selleck look like my little sister; I can eat a 5x5 (that's 5 burger patties and 5 pieces of cheese) at In-N-Out and still polish off my fries and a milkshake; I can beat any elementary school child in one-on-one basketball; I can run an eight-minute mile and then do at least ten push-ups before vomiting; I don't like wearing shoes but I still do just to be polite and not to embarrass my girlfriend in public; I once saw a movie in Germany that starred Jon Bon Jovi as a vampire slayer; I'm occasionally nice to the elderly despite the way they smell; I eat all my vegetables; I've never stolen my books for college classes even though I know how much beer that money could buy; I can speak Kitten; I bathe regularly despite exuding freshness naturally; I think the concept of handkerchiefs is a menace to public health; I don't talk on my cellular phone on the bus; I never hooked up with any of my little sister's friends in high school; I pick up other people's trash at the beach; I have never fed a seagull Alka-Seltzer tablets despite my morbid curiosity; I'm not afraid to dance in public and I am fully aware of how stupid I look; I once ate a whole stick of butter; and I have been a public school teacher for two years and still haven't hit a student.  


  1. hell, I'd award you $2,000!

  2. Hey trey, we are all missing ya here. We will see ya next month. Safe travels!

  3. Anonymous1/18/2012

    "A+" for originality. Did you get it? ~dinamique from over at the 'baa.